Your Gift To Yourself

Have you got a mummy uniform?
I have. It's my hair back in a pony tail. It's my jeans, turtle neck in winter and t-shirt in summer. And chuck taylors. It's what I feel comfy in...as a mother.

This morning, as I dropped the kids off to school I noticed that most mums who are 'stay at home' mums have a similar sort of uniform. And yet, every now and then i spot a mum who really stands out. It's not that her clothing is anything particularly different, it's just that she manages to carry herself in a way that demands attention. She's confident.

I've been reading Nina Garcia's "The Little Black Book of Style" and the best information is really in the first chapter, where she recommends that we be our own muse.

"The first and most important step to developing style is to project this kind of confidence. The kind of confidence that tells others that you respect yourself."

Respect yourself? Funny, isn't it that what we wear is actually a sign of how much we respect ourselves. I think back to the days with three under three and it just wasn't about how much I respected myself, it was about a complete lack of time to do anything other than raise babies! But, I get her point. When we take care of ourselves, we are inviting others to see just who we are and who we want to be in the world. And clothing and appearance (like it or not) are the first impressions we make.

Nina further says of stylish women: "Many of the most stylish women in the world have not been great beauties, but they have all drawn from an enormous amount of self-confidence...The did not let anyone else define them; they defined themselves.

As mums, I think it's far too easy to define ourselves by the 'mother stereotypes' that prevail. The great news is, that at any moment we can step back and think about who and what we are. Yes, we are mums, but we are also women. Let's not forget the woman inside the mother! It's about redefining what motherhood means to YOU and who YOU are in the face of all the life changes that come along with being a mother.

Will you take the first step? Or have you already done so?

I finish with a further (my favourite) paragraph from Nina's book:

"You are the goddess, so start treating yourself accordingly. Get your nails and hair done, take long baths, wear great perfume. Do whatever it is that makes you feel amazing. You have to pamper yourself, because nobody is going to do it for you. Start adoring yourself. Love yourself from the inside out, and slowly but surely you will become comfortable on that pedestal, and you will exude the kind of confidence that others admire. And what you wear on that pedestal matters. Sweatsuits won't do."

Love it!! Come on mama's ... be your gift to yourself!

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Comment by Renee Dingwall on August 14, 2009 at 11:24am: I've been feeling a bit of a slob lately. I've spent the last year in pyjamas, as I was quite sick during my pregnancy, then had a cesaer and a newborn to look after. This week, at 3 months old, my daughter went into childcare and I started work. I went out to buy myself some new work clothes, as nothing fits me anymore, and got really depressed. My post-pregnancy body is 3 sizes bigger than before. Having to take a pair of pants off the rack, which had that huge number on the hanger has broken me. I ended up buying it, even though I hated the way it looked on me, because I had to wear 'something' to work. But my self esteem has hit an all-time low. Staying at home in my pyjamas is starting to sound more appealing than letting the world know how huge I've gotten.

Comment by Jess Bosgra on August 10, 2009 at 1:28pm: This is a great little kick in the pants for me - almost every day I am guilty of the trackpants and jersey type of Mummy-Uniform! I agree with Jody that you can't always afford fancy haircuts or nail and massage appointments etc, esp on one income, so I think for me it's more about making the effort to get out of bed a little earlier and shower before my son gets up so I can do my hair, put on a little bit of make-up and get dressed properly for the day, instead of just pulling on the clothes from the day before when I hear Elliot wake up!

Comment by Saffron Clark on August 6, 2009 at 11:47am: That was such a great read. Thanks! x

Comment by Sonya on August 4, 2009 at 11:29am: Great Idea ladies:)
Working people take holidays to recuperate, but when do mums get a holiday? When we do get a (family) holiday we take our work with us, haha. So by all means, take the time out to pamper yourselves. It is by far well deserved.

Comment by Sarah on August 3, 2009 at 1:47pm: For me it's not about impressing anyone else, I find that I just feel better when I look in the mirror and actually genuinely think, "hey I look pretty today" granted I don't say that everyday but more now than a few years ago. Beating my nail biting habit was a big thing for me, as I was so ashamed of my nails and would hide my hands all the time. Now I am proud of my nails and keep them polished and look after them the best I can on a budget, no salons for me lol, just a polish and file at home. It's all about making myself feel beautiful on the outside, so that it matches the inside. :)

Comment by Roseanne on August 3, 2009 at 11:18am: i recently saw the photos of me when i 'dressed up' for christmas! very sad outfit, but my wonderful mum-in-law has sent me a lovely gift voucher to spend on myself when i finished breastfeeding, so i could buy lovely new underwear and outfits to let me be me again instead a baby making and milk producing machine! I think a lot of mums need that gentle reminder to look after themselves too!

Comment by Lisa Merlo on August 2, 2009 at 12:32pm: I feel like I have let myself go all the time!! It's like the kids and family come first and you come last or that is how it seems to be. The kids look good and I look like mud!! haha lol. I used to be an sales rep in suits, heels and all but not now yep it's trackies and t's and I love jeans!!! I am happy but could be happier with a little more time and money for luxuries I once had. Would never swap it for the kids though!! Love them to bits, even if they don't help my appearance ha, e.g chocolate on shirt

Comment by Jody on August 2, 2009 at 9:23am: I see the point you're making and do agree with it - to a point. SOmetimes you can no longer afford fancy haircuts, manicures etc as you life on one income, and sometimes you just find that that stuff no longer matters as much anymore. You don't feel the need to impress others, and can relax and just wear what;s comfortable! I'm sure our mothers generation never worried about such things - they just got on with the job of being a parent! If you are feeling boring and unsatified with your "Mummy uniform" by all means change, but just because you wear jeans doesn't mean you've let yourself go.

Comment by Pauline on August 1, 2009 at 9:46pm: I am Sally Army Shop styled. Have bought the odd great thing to wear but mostly it is size or colour I go for. Very dull I afraid. I love pretty cloths but have no idea of how to dress myself. If I go into a clothing shop I generally walked out with nothing and very confussed. Most of my money has been spent on my girls for the last 30 years, and now I have my grandaughter. I do want to look nice. I did get my nails done recently. thanks for the article it has given me food for thought.

Comment by Sarah on August 1, 2009 at 11:40am: I don't have a uniform, but I think that may come from a fear of trackpants lol. I was preggy at 17 with my son and my best friend was preggy with her daughter at the same time, I watched her transform from a beauty into a very dowdy frumpy version of herself, and after having baby she stayed in this kind of rutt, and I saw how unhappy she was. Hence I refused to wear trackpants. And still do to this day. I love my tights with my boots and my abby doll tops at the moment, and actually wear similar tops even when I'm not preggy so as to emphasise my boobs and keep the attention away from my waist and tummy. Working with what I've got so to speak. I spent many years unhappy with my body and have learned to love it finally and just work with it.
I also gave in and finally embraced my curls rather than straightening my hair everyday and killing it slowly lol. We all have a yummy mummy inside us she just gets a little lost sometimes. Not suprising when you spend most of your time doing everything for everyone else around you and you come last on the list.