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Opinion Needed PLEASE

Hi ladies,

I've had a request regarding whether parents should be informed if their teenage daughter has an abortion...what do you think?

Thanks!

Tags: abortion, pregnancy, teen

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tove and Hunter on November 18, 2009 at 11:20pm: I would hope we all had relationships with our children that we could talk about these things, but sometimes that just isn't the case. I know I couldn't talk to my mother about it, and she wouldn't of let me choose. And I wouldn't of been a good mother then; I am now, but I am a very different person now. I hope that Hunter can talk to me, but I do understand that teenagers need to make these decisions by themselves. (if he was a girl and had these decisions to make)I would support him in any decisions he makes, and if he later regretted it, I would help him through that as well. I feel as parents we are there to help and support every step of the way, but something as life changing as that is the woman's choice, and the woman's choice alone.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Marilynn - Mums on Top Editor on November 19, 2009 at 9:57am: Hi Ladies,

Thanks so much for your thoughts - Vania I do appreciate what you are saying - and I think the ethics of abortion is a whole other discussion :)

I was approached by a production company and invited to talk on the subject, but am unable to do so. A MOT member is going on instead - and this provides some other perspectives for the topic.

I thank you so very much for sharing - it is a personal and potentially heated subject :)

Mxx; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bex on November 19, 2009 at 11:47am: I feel it shouldn't be a legal requirement. I have to say I wholeheartedly agree with you Tove, we all hope our kids feel they could come to us and tell us, but it shouldnt be a legal obligation. Encouraged, yes, illegal not to, no.
Off topic, but I think girls should learn about all the options, Termination, adoption and parenthood. I feel more information can help. More counselling, more help for the girls, better aftercare.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tove and Hunter on November 19, 2009 at 1:55pm: Pretty much. The whole system needs revising, to make it a better experience for everyone involved. There should also be better sexual education in schools, and we shouldn't expect kids not to have sex, cause lets face it, its never going to happen. Teenagers have sex, its what they do. That and sleep. We as a society shouldn't make it a thing of shame, so kids do talk to parents/teachers/adults about sex, ask advice, be safe. And if it comes down to a girl getting pregnant, they should be encouraged to talk, not just ignore the problem and hope it goes away, or do something secretly, and feel shame about it.

And aftercare is hugely important. As soon as the surgery is over you are wheeled out into a ward, given two hours recovery time and sent on your way. Two hours? After surgery? There is no follow up to see if you are ok (physically or mentally). It's a horrible process, and unnecessarily so. Of course, with it being such a heated subject, no politicians are ever going to raise the subject, unless they plan on committing career suicide. Or they are going to talk about making it harder to get one.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bex on November 19, 2009 at 3:39pm: ive always wanted to be a sex ed teacher!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Marilynn - Mums on Top Editor on November 19, 2009 at 3:44pm: I used to be a sex ed teacher :); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bex on November 19, 2009 at 4:08pm: awesome!!!!!!!!!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Amanda on November 19, 2009 at 2:37pm: My gut instinct would be to say that Yes parents should be informed of a daughter having an abortion, as long as there was no other circumstances that wouldn't allow it. I would want to know if it was my child, but in saying that I'm very aware that from 14 it is not deemed necessary to inform a parent of anything regarding apps to doctors and the like, if the child goes by themselves and that if you have a child with other issues such as intellectual disabilities you actually need to get legal documents to ensure that you are informed. Also I think its a contridiction within society, we say that at 16 a girl can go and get an abortion without parental consent and yet we want to raise the legal age for driving to 18 and the leagal age for drinking back to 20 because they are not capable of handling the responsibility..... is an abortion any less of a responsibility than that of drinking or driving...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Vania on November 19, 2009 at 10:19pm: Hey Tove, in response to your question, do I think my daughters would come to me if they wanted an abortion and knew my views; I can't answer that. That is something only my daugther in that situation will be able to answer. I want to say this though; my relationship with all of my children is based on my deep love for them, not my ability to dictate to them. Would I make my views known to my daughter? Of course, although I am sure she would know already.. I would firstly though want to spend time with her and hear her heart, and know how she is feeling in the situation. I think our society should be working harder to encourage functional family relationships..

hope that helps?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tove and Hunter on November 20, 2009 at 9:24am: Vania; I never doubted that your relationship with your daughter is based on huge amounts of love. But what I'm saying is I love my mother dearly, can tell her pretty much anything, yet she doesn't know I had a abortion. When you are a teenager, even if you are the most well behaved teenager in the world, you want to please your parents. If she knows how you feel about abortions, she is more likely to not tell you, from fear of disappointment, or fear that you would make her keep the baby. Perhaps when talking to her about sex, let her know your views, but tell her that if she is in that situation you would help her do what is right for her? I'm in no way trying to tell you how to raise your children, every one does that their own way and that makes life interesting, but I to feel we need to encourage functional family relationships, and I would rather help my children than take a moral stand (I do not in any way mean you wouldn't).; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ceilidh on November 20, 2009 at 11:49pm: As the mother of a teenage girl, my first thought was to say "Hell yes I would want to be informed!" But as I read over other peoples posts and thought more about it, I can understand it's not that easy - it depends so much on individual circumstances as to whether a parent should know.

I would be devastated if my daughter had an abortion without my knowledge, but then, I'd be devastated that she couldn't feel she could talk to me about it. She's always talked to me about everything in the past, though as she's getting more interested in the kind of stuff she knows I don't necessarily approve of, she's talking less to me about these things... Still, Ithink she'd tell me if she were pregnant, especially as I was a teen mum myself. She knows I'd support her in any way I could. If she didn't feel she could tell me herself, I guess that would be an indication that there's some pretty damaging problems with our mother/daughter relationship!

Also I have to remember there's a lot of bloody lousy parents out there who should never be allowed the honour of having children, and parents who may be good people, but not good at tolerating their teens getting up to dumbass teenage stuff. In those cases I can understand why some parents shouldn't be informed.

So yeah, as much as the control-freak parent in me wants to scream "I demand to know everything!"... I guess it should be an individual decision. If your teen feels she can't talk to you about this, there's probably a problem in the parental relationship. :/; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ruth Cameron on January 9, 2010 at 11:10pm: I think that every women should make an informed decision. This may mean that her parents can not be a part of it as she would act out of fear or guilt to name a couple of feelings. As long as there is support for the teenager, as she is still growing and developing, such a life changing decision should not be done solo. Sometime parents are not the right person to be involved in these decisions but there should be an adult figure in whom the young women feels safe with and not judged and will make sure that in the long term she is taken care of in reguards to councelling etc.; ▶ Reply to This